My father used to tell me that life was tough, that it is not a bowl of cherries, and we have to work for ourselves and our families. When I was younger this never seemed to make sense. When I would think about life it seemed to make sense and it was good. Even when things were bad I always thought it wasnt so bad. I was not afraid of much because life, in essence, was good.
A growing child goes through changes, stages, and becomes an adolescent. It is the lessons learned in this phase of life which stick with us into our adulthood. When I was a teen I went through some difficult times. I resented my parents and rebelled against their wishes. Even though my upbringing was excellent I still felt a need to go off the path which was given to me. I was so lucky to have loving parents who did their best to give me what I needed.
Some may think it is presumptuous of me but when I was sixteen years old I wrote a 3 page paper intended to be my autobiography. My mother found this document many years ago and sent it to me. It is astonishing to read the insight I had when I was 16.
I have always tried to be a peacemaker between people. In my paper I relate how important the trait of honesty is and how I stood up when a supposed friend stole something and I returned it. I got in trouble for my act but I knew I was right. Even at sixteen I knew that some forms of music are bad, especially those with lyrics which are offensive and immoral.
The bulk of my document related how much I was struggling with the changes going on in my life. I have been on a journey my entire life. Born in Long Island, NY moved to Connecticut, moved to Los Angeles, CA., moved to Long Beach, CA, moved to Bay Area, CA. I feel like one of the Jews in the Midbar {Desert}. We learned last week that the Jews stopped at 42 camps in the journey. Is it a coincidence I am 43?
One of the weirdest coincidences is that in my ‘autobiography’ I ask the question, “How will I feel if my brother dies?”. And I go on considering how life would be without him. What older brother asks how they would feel if their younger brother dies? That is not natural. I think I had a premonition that he would die before I do. My brother died in the Evil Terrorist Attack on America on 9/11 while working in the World Trade Center tower #1. Another ‘coincidence’ is that I dream about my step-father falling off the empire state building. It is odd that my mother thinks my brother was a jumper.
It is not easy communicating to people. As a Jew I believe that the power of speech is the greatest force and is why Hashem gave only Human beings the power of speech and why it is written that we are made in his ‘image’. I have said bad things about many people and have come to regret most of what I have said.
Humans seem to love having conflicts and engaging in slanderous talk. I have fallen victim to this problem at times. Luckily I usually see the error of my ways and try to rectify it before it gets out of hand.
Having said this I would like to express my apology for being involved in this entire conflict. I feel very saddened by the deepening rift between many factions. Instead of using the Internet to unite, we use it to divide. I have greater hopes for this technology and want to turn the tide.
I am currently trying to persuade the blogger who assumed responsibility for my previous blog to discontinue using it because I dont want to be associated with it.
muman613
